Christmas In Mexico

"The Magic of Christmas is not in the presents, but in His Presence."

I'm having a great opportunity to spend Christmas in Mexico with my sisters and parents. Lexie, Grant and Ellie didn't come this year because they are in Idaho Falls with Grant's family. This is what they do every Christmas. They went to the Ricks' house in Idaho and they will come here next year. I am sad they're not here right now, but I'm having a great time with Nina, Andrew, Breana and my parents.

When I was little, I used to think Christmas was about presents and Santa Claus but when I grew older, I learned from my mom that "Christmas means a little more." It's about the Savior because it's the time we celebrate His Birth, even though he was born in Easter. In my mom's family, Christmas was about the Savior her whole life. If you think of the word Christmas a little more, it means "More of Christ."

"It's not about your scars. It's all about your heart."

~Mindy Gledhill~

This was kind of a sad Christmas for me because I'm not sure if my cousins had changed their thoughts of me or learned from their mistakes. When I saw them at the Ward's Annual Reindeer Run, they seemed excited to see me, but I was uncomfortable when I walked with them even though they wanted me to join them. Maybe my heart is still hurting and it hasn't recovered all the way. Recovery is such a long process.

I heard that time heals all wounds, but wounds can leave scars. Scars that will remind us of our traumas, sorrows, and pains. I was left scars my whole life even though they couldn't really be seen by other people. I try to pray for God's comfort and support to help me let go, forgive and move on. It's hard to tell myself that I'm not a victim, but I sometimes feel like I am because I was bullied and ignored by my cousins and other people who couldn't see past my differences and see me as a human being.

My mom is a wise woman. She's been through the same thing with her in-laws because of the different person she is. I don't really know how she handles it but from what she told me, it's better to be kind and loving than to be bitter and hateful. She taught me and my sisters the same thing and we listened to her.

"Nature holds the key to our aesthetic, intellectual, cognitive, and even spiritual satisfaction."

~E. O. Wilson~

This afternoon, I took the time to go outside and sketch, plus have some conversation with nature. I laid down on the new trampoline we got for Christmas, closed my eyes and relaxed. Peace came to my mind. I listened to Mother Nature; wind was blowing; dogs were wandering around and making noises, not loud ones though; leaves were rustling and cars were driving by. Cars are not really my favorite to listen to in nature, but the rest were good.

It was a beautiful visit. I imagined myself lying on the grass, surrounded by everything of nature; trees, animals and a warm weather. I was in Paradise, the Garden of Eden.

One Nation Under God: Protect Marriage

For years, our country’s been in this debate regarding same-sex marriage. Everyone’s been arguing that it’s equal to opposite-sex marriage while others are arguing that it’s not. As a Christian, I don’t support same-sex marriage because I, not only believe, but also know that it’s only a union between a man and a woman through the power and promptings of the Holy Ghost. As a matter of fact, I don’t support that same-sex marriage should be legal in this country because it doesn’t really make us equal.

All of us human beings on this earth are equal because we’re created in the image of God. Not only are we created in His image, but also with divine natures and destinies. Each of us has an essential role in gender. Men are to provide the necessities of life and protection for their wives and children while the women are to nurture them. But, men and women are to work together as equals. It’s like mixing the colors. If you mix blue with yellow, you make green. But, if you mix blue with blue or yellow with yellow, you will still get the same color. There will not be any difference between the same colors. Some of us may not be married or parents, but I am very positive that we can still fulfill our gender roles in different ways.

To make everyone equal, we ought to treat each other with respect and compassion; that means we tolerate choices, beliefs, feelings, rights and needs. But, we don’t let them have too much freedom because they can still do wrong. For those who are fighting for religious beliefs, we remember the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, “Freedom of religion.” When our ancestors came to America, it was for religious freedom. They came here with an agency to choose anything, but also to have God’s guidance in their lives. When the pledge of allegiance to the United States was written, it mentioned in there that we were also to pledge allegiance “to the republic for which it stands, one Nation under God.” Shouldn’t we follow that example? Obama may be the president, but it doesn’t mean that he’s always right. He’s a human being and he makes mistakes; we all do.

I believe gays and lesbians should be treated like they’re one of us because they have feelings, beliefs and rights. But, they also have trials and make mistakes. It’s fine for them to have a union in partnership, but not marriage because it is not the same as opposite-sex marriage. How can anyone live with two moms or two dads? I could probably live without a mom or a dad, but how else will I be able to understand what it means to be a boy or a girl? Wouldn’t it be better if I had a mom and a dad? I believe it is. Some of us don’t have biological parents around, but they can still find role models in others.

Pictures 1 and 3 are from "Protect Marriage: One Man, One Woman" https://www.facebook.com/marriage.one.man.one.woman/photos_stream

20 Years Later

I woke up this morning to find a special surprise in the bathroom. One of my roommates, I don't know who, put the birthday sign by the sink and mirror and I didn't notice it until I washed my hands. Whoever did this, I thank you for making my day special.

My birthday started out like any other day. I didn't really do anything to celebrate earlier in the day until my roommates took me out to dinner, gave me a cupcake and went to the movie theaters to see the new Christmas movie, "The Christmas Candle." It is a movie based on Max Lucado's book. I recommend everyone to go see it because it is a movie of believing in miracles.

At five years old, I was diagnosed with a learning disability called high functioning autism. It changed the lives of my family and mine forever. Ever since my diagnosis, I went through a lot of challenges. Other kids made fun of me at school and wouldn't include me in any fun activity that they were doing; teachers weren't willing to work with me because they had no experience with disabled kids; I felt like I wasn't important because I wasn't like the other kids. I wasn't "normal."

But with the support of my parents and sisters, teachers and friends who were willing to look past my differences, I was able to succeed and beat the odds. I was only looked at as a little girl, instead of an alien, who needed help and the support from the people who love her.

I received awards in academics, became one of the leading scores in Church basketball, overcame my autism with speech therapy, and graduated high school with honors. I was born a champion... I am now a champion... and I always will be a champion. Anyone is a champion if they choose to be.

Look at me now, 20 years old and a sophomore at BYU-Idaho. I have changed into a better person because of my trials, experiences, and faith that grew stronger and helped me grow close to God. I succeeded because of His help. I learned to turn to Him for strength, courage, and faith. I proved those who doubted I would ever succeed that I can.

I've learned to accept my autism as a gift instead of a weakness. I won't deny it, there are times I've struggled on things because I only think in pictures. But, I was able to understand by asking for help. I think in pictures and I try to connect the pieces together. 

I've also learned not to let autism define who I am. It is my learning disability, but it's not me. It's something I'm born with, but it doesn't mean that it's my identity.

I am Micaela Jones. I'm 20 years old and I'm autistic. But, I am NOT my autism.

Rescue The Dolphins

I fed my first dolphin when I was seven years old at SeaWorld in San Diego, CA. Ever since that experience, I’d been learning about dolphins, the magnificent creatures of the ocean kingdom. Such intelligence do they have; they use their echolocation to communicate with other dolphins, find food and form bonds with humans. They’re also known to protect us when in trouble with sharks or shipwrecks. They use their strong noses to fight off sharks, which can hurt them. It’s a warning to them they should leave their friends alone. Not only can a dog be a man’s best friend, but also a dolphin can be a man’s best friend.

Years later, I discovered that there are some countries who eat dolphins, instead of forming bonds with them. In Japan, fishermen capture many dolphins for meat. They consider themselves fishermen because they’re out at sea looking for food. The truth is, they’re not fishermen. They’re whalers! Whaling is totally different from fishing. Whaling is hunting whales for meat, oil and bones. Fishing is only hunting for fish. Whales are NOT fish, and fish are NOT whales.

I was horrified to see dolphins treated cruelly by fishermen who aren’t even fishermen. I saw it on the news. I also saw American actress Hayden Panettiere trying to stop the slaughter. As a marine conservationist, she came all the way to Japan to save these creatures. The Japanese whalers viciously fought her off, including the others who were in support of saving the dolphins. While she was forced to go back to shore, she cried in tears of horror, sorrow and anger. She just couldn’t bear seeing innocent creatures being slaughtered for the selfish deeds of the world. I was impressed and amazed by her courageous effort. Even though she couldn’t save all of them, she was a hero. Still is today.

Still, the slaughter of the dolphins continues. They don’t deserve this. They only deserve to live long happy lives where there are love, respect and compassion. THEY ARE NOT FISH! THEY ARE MAMMALS! Mammals have lungs and their tails move up and down. Humans don’t have tails, but their arms and legs move up and down when they’re swimming. Fish have gills and their tails move side-to-side. Dolphins are whales! NOT FISH!

As an animal rights supporter, I will fight for the animals that are treated with cruelty and misery. That includes marine animals like the dolphins. No matter how often I get laughed at, mocked at for foolishness, beaten for a crime I never committed, and what others think of me whether I’m crazy or a hero, I will never leave the dolphins defenseless while they’re about to be slaughtered for oils and bones. I will never stop fighting. No matter how long it takes, I won’t stop fighting. Save them! Save the dolphins!

Thanksgiving Break and December Snow

Last week was a huge blessing for me to come home to spend Thanksgiving in Utah. It was a long drive from Rexburg to Salt Lake City on the shuttle, I have to admit it. But, it was worth it. Our Family Thanksgiving Feast was a blast because of the hard work and effort we put forth to it. We didn't have the turkey this time because it took forever for it to cook all the way through. So, we just stuck with the ham, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and the pies. Other than that, we had a great Thanksgiving.

Between the feast and dessert, we sang Thanksgiving songs, read a quote we picked to read out loud and shared what we're thankful. When my turn came, I said "There are a lot of things to be thankful for, but I'm very thankful to be in a family where there are love and support."

The whole family didn't gather together this year. The only children that were left to celebrate with my mom were me and Breana. Nina and Andrew went to Illinois with the Chaffin family; Lexie, Grant and Ellie had their own Thanksgiving in California. Dad didn't come this time as usual because he had to work and it's not a holiday in Mexico. We didn't let that ruin our Thanksgiving though. We moved on. I was able to spend quality time with Mama J and Breana.

I accomplished a goal that I planned before I went down there. My goal was to spend more time with my family than on my computer. In the times before, I spent a lot of time on my laptop writing stories and going onto the internet. I cared more about my computer than my family, which is very selfish of me. Looking back, I want to do better. Before Thanksgiving arrived, I made that goal and I achieved it. If I keep up with this habit, I will be more in the world than of the world.

My computer is a good tool of resources, emails, writing and blogging, but it can be used in negative ways. Elder M. Russell Ballard gave a talk a long time ago that we should only use the internet and other technology for good use. Technology isn't inherently bad. It can be used in good or bad ways. From these experiences, loved ones are more important than other things, especially families. My computer is not my real friend or my real world. It's only a tool I use for resources.

To finish the last day of Thanksgiving break, Breana took me to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple where we did baptisms for the dead. It's been a long time since I've done it because I went onto college and the Relief Society program. When I was in the Young Women's program, we did baptisms almost every month. I may not be in that program anymore, but I still have a strong desire to do temple work, including baptisms for the dead.

After I baptized for the dead, I felt spiritually clean. It was a good feeling! I love going to the temple. At the end of the day, Breana took me and her boyfriend, José, to the Dollar Theater. We got to see Austenland. Love that movie so much! Totally recommend it for chickflick movie fans.

I was sad to leave home for Rexburg, but I was excited to be back with my roommates. Plus, I only have three weeks left this semester. After I finish strong, I will spend Christmas in Mexico and then come back to Utah. Now, doesn't that sound like a plan?

Last night it snowed a lot. There are still some left today. Probably shouldn't say some because there are more than couple inches of snow. Looks like it's going to be a winter wonderland in this part of America after all. I love the summer heat, but as a Utah girl, I also love the snow.

Surprise!

Yesterday between my homework and laundry time as usual on Saturdays, my roommate was more than willing to give me a haircut after I politely asked her to. Though I enjoy having long hair, I prefer short hair because it's not so much a pain in the neck. I believe everyone looks great with how they do hair, long or short. For myself, short hair fits my personality better than long hair.

I might miss having long hair, but I'm loving my short hair a lot. Sometimes change is good. I felt like my hair needed to change. I feel good about this.

Another surprise came this weekend; no snow ever came. The weather is very nice this time. It kinda isn't a surprise for me because the weather's been like this for a little while. Still I was hoping for more snow to come. That would be nice if more would so it could be a winter wonderland. At least it hasn't been very hot. It was pretty chilly yesterday and it is today.

In two days, I will be on the shuttle to Utah where I will look forward to spending Thanksgiving with my family and friends. It sure is a time to give thanks for the blessings we were given.

Live. Laugh. Love.

No living creature, human or animal, deserves to be used for experiments, money or any other selfish deeds. We are all God's creations; we have souls. We are sent here to care for another and work together. The world can be cruel and heartless, but we don't have to be.

Sunday Skype

Sunday is my favorite day of the week because I get to talk to all of my family either on phone or skype. It's a day of rest and worship to God. I recently got to talk to Nina on skype. It made my Sunday more special because I now remember how grateful I am to be raised in a family where there is love, laughter, and joy.

I'm grateful to have a mom who could teach me how to become a good mother like her and puts her daughters' needs before hers; a dad who loves his angels, always supports us even when he's not physically there and pushes us to move forward; sisters who have taught me how to grow into the EXTRAORDINARY young woman I am today; and brothers-in-law who showed what it's like to have a brother in the family. They also taught me that it's hard to have brothers who tease and can be sometimes annoying, but can still love you. I'm also grateful to have a niece to teach me how to become a mother and care for my own children.

Talking with Nina was great because I enjoy talking with my role models. I love her, Lexie and Breana. I don't know what I'd do without them if I were an only child.

Sunday is not just about resting; it's about spending time with those you love. Whether you see them or not.

Snow in Rexburg and Feasting Upon the Scriptures

I woke up this morning to see everything covered in snow. I was thrilled to see the white clouds and rain in our area. Thrilled enough to take a picture of it. I really love the snow as much as I love summer. I'm excited to have snow because it will make this Christmas very special. It may not snow in Mexico, but it would be nice if it did. That way, we'd have a white Christmas. A white Christmas in Mexico.

On this cold snowy day, I took the time to read "The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ." It feels so good the scriptures because I feel closer to God when I do. I have this feeling of joy and truth in my heart every time I read the scriptures. I believe "The Book of Mormon" is the word of God as the Bible is as well. I have a strong testimony that they are both testaments of our Lord, Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

Reading the scriptures always helps, and it can help you stay on the right track. Each scripture can influence us to do good to others.

"Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

~Alma 32:3~

Steve Irwin Day! Crikey!

"My job, my mission, the reason I've been put onto this planet, is to save wildlife. And I thank you for comin' with me. Yeah, let's get 'em!"

~Steve Irwin~

For those who are big fans, it's Steve Irwin Day! This is a day to remember the Crocodile Hunter, the man behind the khaki shorts, the Australian accent and the catchphrase "Crikey!" But, that's not why he was "The Crocodile Hunter." He was known for wildlife conservation. He was the Prince of the Jungle and the Leader of the Wildlife Warriors. I include myself as a wildlife warrior because of my passion for nature. His dream will live on!

Since I was a baby, I've been fascinated with animals. That's me and Oliver when we were just little infants. He was such a cutie!

At 2 years of age, I really loved horses. On a Sunday afternoon, I went outside and climbed onto the horse using the trampoline. Without a bridle or saddle, I rode on the family horse. Luckily, I wasn't in any harm. Dad stayed with me though to be safe.

Oliver and me when I was just four or five years old in this picture. He sure loved giving kisses. I liked that a lot.

Holding a cat at great-Grandma Elma's house in '98. Cats are my favorite animals because they are cute and cuddly, but they can give us hard times when they're not in happy moods.

On a family vacation in Cancún, I was busy watching the chicks hatch from their eggs while we were waiting for our tour to start.


I also got to see spiders in the water. Or I saw something that looked like a spider. Probably a starfish. Who knows???? I looked like a zoologist, didn't I?

Me and Precious before I went to a friend's birthday party. She was a great dog to be in our family. Always protected us like a loyal guard dog. I loved playing with her a lot growing up. I used to come and hang out in her dog house with her. She and I were best friends.

I was excited to go to SeaWorld with my family at seven years old. I was thrilled to see the orcas in real life, which have been my favorite marine animals since I watched the "Free Willy" movies. At the Shamu tank, there was a baby orca that followed me around. He sure liked me! That made my day even more special.

When our sharpei, Neddy, gave birth to her first batch of puppies in '06, I was happy to learn how to take care of them, even though it was a big responsibility. I learned a lot!

When I went back to SeaWorld in my 12th year, I got to feed the dolphins, which I hadn't done in a long time. In addition to that amazing encounter, I got to know what dolphin skin feels like. They're very rubbery and silky. It was awesome!

Since I was 12, Dad would take his 'angels' horse-back riding in the mountains. That's what I love to do in Mexico because I get exposed to nature more, and the views of the mountains and the lake are so beautiful and sights for sore eyes.

While living in California with Lexie and Grant before Ellie was born, I worked at the Rohnert Park Animal Shelter as a volunteer for two years. Had lots of experiences with the animals I helped care for. As a cat lover, I worked with the felines.

Lexie, Grant and I would also go to the beach to look for starfish on the weekends or holidays. It's always good to bring a few layers of jackets on the cold, rainy days.

This doesn't look very good, but I did this drawing a long time ago, recently after the Crocodile Hunter's passing.

It's been seven years since the tragic death of our hero, Steve Irwin, and it was something that shocked the world. Though he's gone, his family and friends are still moving forward by loving the animals and fighting against animal cruelty. Not only are they wildlife warriors, his fans and the other animal supporters are as well.

Veteran's Day

Today is my privilege to honor my grandpa, David W. Meyer, for serving his country, family and our God. When I was in 8th grade, I learned about World War II in my English class. I was thrilled to discover that my grandpa, my mother's father, that he is a WW2 veteran and served as a combat photographer. It must've been hard for him to be in other countries because of his love for family and friends, but was very willing to serve his country, help other people who were in trouble and spread the word through art.

About a year ago, Grandpa told me some of his experiences he had while serving in Europe. There is one that I'm very grateful he is here today. While in England taking pictures, he came out of a tent in a camp he was staying. Just as he was about to take a step outside, a bomb came in front of him and exploded. Luckily, he survived. He took home a piece of the shrapnel to show everyone and remember the blessing of protection from the Lord.

David W. Meyer is a great man, and I enjoy hearing his stories, plus looking the pictures he took in the war. In fact, I would like to hear more of his WW2 experiences. I will always appreciate what he did to serve us, his family.

If You Don't Like Me...

If you don’t want to see me, then don't look at me.

If you don’t want to talk to me, then don’t say anything.

If you don’t want to invite me, then don't do it.

If you don’t want to hang out with me, then don’t come.

If you don’t want to hear me, then don’t listen.

But, I will ask you for some respect to me, my feelings, my rights, my beliefs, my needs and my choices because I’m a human being like you. I have feelings and a soul. If you don’t really like me, just at least be respectful.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, everyone! Don't let the bats scare you... Just kidding! Peace out, dudes! Halloween's awesome. My favorite holiday!

Happy Day

Today was the happiest day of my life! Why? I got two midterms done already. The first one was Missionary Prep; I just had to turn in my journal so that my teacher could see that I've done what he asked me and the other students to do. I also took an English Midterm test, which I'm 100% positive I did well because I'm an English nerd. A while ago, I took the time to study for my other class, Library Research Skills, which is only a block class. Tomorrow is the last day to be in that class; I'm excited to be done with it. I think of the test for that class to be a midterm/final test. Anyway, I'm glad to have studied for it. Time to nail it!

 Today made me even happier when I received letters in the mailbox today. Three from sister missionaries that I've known since I was in the Young Women program and one from my loving and supportive mom, who always writes words of encouragement to help me keep moving forward. I was especially excited about my missionary friends and their experiences in the places they're serving.

Lacy, who's in the same ward up in Provo, UT and been my great friend since junior year at Timpview High, shared with me how much she's loving her mission. I was excited to hear that she got to be a part of a baptism. I was also happy to hear that she loves the drawing I did of her. I miss and love this girl so much! As a good friend and missionary, she's encouraged me to reach out to others who need the Gospel, even though I'm not serving in the mission field. She also bore her testimony to me. So grateful for her strong example of missionary work.

I hadn't heard from this girl in a long time! Emma wrote in the letter she sent to me and my mom, how much she appreciated our kindness and friendship. She also mentioned that when she gets back from her mission, we would have to hang out. It felt so good to hear from her. I was also excited to hear that she loves missionary work and, like Lacy, is encouraging me to do missionary work. She said I would make an AMAZING missionary if I ever want to serve a mission. Maybe I will. Just have to think about it.

As always, Mom loves to send me letters with words of encouragement and support. They always motivate me to keep working hard in school and moving on with faith. I love my mom. In her letters, she always tells me that she's proud of me, always prays for me, and believes I can do anything that I put my mind to. She's a great mom to have and I wouldn't trade her for anything, not even for a better mom.

Melina's 31st Birthday and Forgiveness

Today I woke up to begin a new day of school. Before I went to my classes, I took the time to wish my sister, Melina, a Happy Birthday because it's her big day. She's 31! I'm very thankful I get to be her sister even though she drives me nuts when she gives me facials. Yet, she's taught me that our bodies need to be healthy and clean so we can show others our inner beauty and have healthy, strong lives. I didn't get to celebrate with her, but I know she had a great birthday; she got to celebrate with her husband, Andrew, our loving mom, and sister, Breana.

I was happy to wish Nina a Happy Birthday, but today was a hard day for me because I was still struggling on forgiving my cousins. Last night, I had a dream; I was walking on a grassy hill with a backpack on. While I was focusing on my destination, I heard someone calling my name; I looked up and realized that my cousins were the ones calling me. They tried to catch up with me, but I ran off because I didn't want to talk to them. It wasn't the first time I dreamt of something like that. 

All day I kept thinking about that dream and the cousins. Anger was starting to fill my heart again because I was deeply hurt when I wasn't included in the wedding this past August. But, more than that, I had to get rid of this feeling, so I had to do something that would come in handy: prayer. I asked Heavenly Father for the strength and courage to forgive. While I was praying, I felt as if this weight was getting less heavy. Some peace and love were coming to me.

It's hard to forgive someone after they do something that's very hurtful, especially if it hurts you deeply, but it hurts more when you don't forgive and move on. I've learned from experience that to forgive doesn't mean to forget or pardon; it means to move on with faith, love and peace.

For me right now, it feels good to forgive because I can make a fresh start on things and move on with a happy soul, heart and mind.

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

~Doctrine and Covenants 64: 10

Our Dog Smokey

On Sunday at 11 p.m., our beloved watchdog Smokey died from internal injuries. It was a real heart-breaking time for us because he was so protective of us and a part of our family. We've had him for seven years. He was the leader of his dog family and always gathered them to bark with bravery to protect our home. Now without him, the other dogs we have are on their own.

It's very hard for us to move on without him, especially for my dad because he was so attached to him. They were like best friends. Like other animal lovers say, "A dog is a man's best friend." We will miss him everyday.

The day I was told of his passing, I started crying because I had loved Smokey so much even though he drove me crazy whenever he would jump on me or scratch the door. But inside me, I always loved him. We've loved Smokey since he was born along with his brothers and sisters. His momma, Neddy, was a good mother to her puppies.

The love I have for Smokey helps me to love the other animals, especially those that I may not get along with. Through the work, passion and enthusiasm of Steve Irwin, all animals are special and important even if they're crocodiles, snakes, or sharks.

"If we can teach people about wildlife, they will be touched. Share my wildlife with me. Because humans want to save things that they love."

~Steve Irwin~

A New Beginning

My mom and sister Breana had driven me to Rexburg, ID where I will begin a new school year at BYU-I. I watched them drive away after waving them good-bye for a while. My heart is sad that they have left, but I'm grateful to be here in Idaho for college so that I may prepare myself for future events. This is a new beginning with new classes, new roommates, new teachers and new apartment. But, I have a feeling that there are all good things that will come into my life.

I hope that my heart will be healed enough once I get to know my roommates and feel accepted of them unconditionally. Sometimes it is hard for me to get to know other people when I am hurt from the experiences with my cousins who were exclusive to me in the past. I just pray for the strength and courage to give other people chances and see the kind of people they are. When I feel loved, included and accepted of them, it helps me to forget about the pain and try to move on. It does hurt when I think about it, but I always try to do something that will replace that feeling of hatred, hurt and anger.

Before I left for Idaho, I was given a blessing by my dear, loving friend and bishop that made me feel close to the Lord. I was given promises from Him that are so uplifting. In that blessing:

1) I will do well in school.
2) I am a great young woman.
3) I'm never alone.
4) My roommates will be kind to me when I am kind to them.
5) I will be positive.
6) I will be close to the Lord through prayer, scriptures, good books and music.
7) I will have peace in my heart, mind and soul.
8) I should only focus on the people who care about me and love me.
9) I will be a good friend to those around me.

Before my bishop went home, he told me in his own words that as long as I do my best, that's all it matters. I strongly believe that because it is true and I've done my best in things, especially school. I've also learned that when you're on this earth and striving to be like Christ, it always matters to do your best. Especially when you're trying to come home with honor and success despite the times of errors.

It's also important to me that I live my life because when you don't make the best of things, you're not really living life. According to my Grandpa Meyer, "Life is meant to be lived. It is not meant to be wasted." That's what I look forward to this semester: make the best of it.

When going through trials such as homesickness and discouragement, all I can do is pray and keep my chin up with a smile on my face. That is the best I can do and what our Heavenly Father asks of us.

As I Am

When I was a kid, I thought it was a blessing to have cousins close to my age and born just a few months ahead of each other. But, the relationship didn't turn out how my parents thought it would  be. Because of my autism, they have ignored me, ditched me, made fun of me, called me names and hurt me. But, that wasn't all. They followed a pattern set by their mothers. One of the aunts was more excluding than the others. She would gather the cousins for activities, but not me. When she was the Young Women's president, she never helped me with my Personal Progress despite the times I've attempted to ask her. Every time I asked her for help, she ignored me. Good thing I found help in other places. I not only finished the Personal Progress requirements for the Young Women medallion, I also did the ones for the Honor Bee.

My whole life, I was excluded. I was treated like I didn't belong in the family. I felt like I didn't exist, like I wasn't important. Every time I came home to the Colonies for Christmas or the summer, I'd always hoped that they would change and see that I am not the girl who wore silly hats, ridiculous outfits and acted weird. I thought they changed last Christmas, but this summer I was proven wrong.

One of the cousins has recently married and is happy with her new husband. I am happy for her that she has found happiness in her new life. Before the wedding, she had done something that was really hurtful. She asked all of the cousins who've lived around to join her wedding party either as bridesmaids or flower girls, except one. She never asked me to be a part of the wedding or asked me to be a bridesmaid. She never wanted me to be at her wedding. I found out days before the wedding that she'd asked my dad if I was coming to the wedding. When I found out about this, I was hurt. I was the last minute consideration and the last person to deal with. I was planning on coming home to her wedding to support her, but this was what my sisters had worried about. They had heard weeks in advance about the bridesmaids, maid of honor and flower girls, but were concerned because I wasn't included. I chose not to come to the Colonies for the wedding. Why go where I'm not really wanted?

I am sick and tired of being hurt over and over again. Maybe it's time to stop trying to get them to see me as I really am. I'm grateful for the ones who see past my differences and the ways I've changed, and the person I am today. I'm especially grateful for my family and a loving Heavenly Father who loved me then, loves me now and will love me always for who I am.